I Googled my sons and found them // ADOPTION UNKNOWNS

Part of adopting internationally is the not knowing.

You receive half filled out papers and numerous stories that kind-of match up about your child's history and you take those and go along your merry way, resigning yourself that you won't ever fully know what took place in your child's life before you entered. 
That is just how it is.

I've done Google image searches on my sons twice since we brought them home from Uganda and have actually found them. Do you have any idea how exciting, surreal and violating that is at the same time? Images of your child at a younger age is such a wonderful glimpse into the beautiful person you have come to love. It is a precious gift. At the same time, it is so very strange to see them in the arms of someone whose name you don't know in a location you don't recognize. 

But the most violating part is seeing your son half naked, private parts fully shown in an article about abandoned children in Africa. While it is true, it feels like exploitation to see someone who is no longer abandoned, who has a home and family used to make a statement. Your son has become the poster child for African poverty.

I am still sorting out all of the emotions that have accompanied these latest images discovered, but I wanted to share one of the strange sides of international adoption that are rarely talked about. This is not for the faint of heart. The not knowing can drive you mad as you circle around the possibilities, the unknowns, the what ifs. It is enough to drive someone crazy because you love this child. They are yours and you would and do fight for them on a daily basis. 

It is heart breaking and hard to see images of your child before they had an advocate, an ally, a family. Those images are the truth about poverty, third world countries, and a messed up planet, but they are still of YOUR son, not just another example.

p.s. Gotcha Day was  a pretty awesome day and we are getting ready to celebrate 2 years of Andrew and Simon being home.