I don't have the patience to be a mom.

Patience in motherhood go hand-in-hand. There is not a more sacrificial relationship than that of mother to a child. And I get to fill that role for four young people for the next 15 years.

It just occurred to me as we were having our third rough day in a row and I was yelling and threatening to take down our Christmas tree, that I do not have the patience that is required to be a mother.

I see other mothers talking to their kids in calm, collected tones while they stay composed and throw in a Bible verse for good measure. All while instilling deep truths about character and integrity. And I'm at the other end of Target gritting my teeth and doing my best scream/whisper I learned in acting class while my face turns red and my blood pressure rises. And all my kids are learning is that their mother is about to loose it... again.

This motherhood thing is hard. You think I would have figured it out by now, but I think a part of me was hoping they would just get better. That this day to day grind would become easier. Or that they might all miraciously be replaced with rebot replicas that actually remembered my commands and the rules of the house. But I have news for anyone who thought like I did: IT DOESN'T GET EASIER.

Physical demands may go down as my kids are able to do more, but the amount of energy they take does not decrease. Add onto it day 5 of sickness, including a sick Mom and Dad, both parents working and there is not a shred of patience to be found in this household.


During these times, I hold onto one truth. It is actually written on a little chalkboard in my bathroom as a daily reminder.

"But He gives us more grace."

James 4:6a 

That's all I got. I don't have the energy and stamina to keep up with four kids and all that life throws my way. But I do have faith that God has more grace than I ever will. That truth might not make me act better, but it is comfort to know.

And when the patience goes out the window, it's all I got. And I'm praying that it's enough.