I am a housewife, not a stay-at-home mom.

{The first part of this post can be read here.}

We have changed a lot of things in the first 7 weeks we have been home from Uganda. Everything isn't running like clockwork yet, but it is MUCH better. The bigs have realized that while they are important to us, they aren't the most important members of our family. The littles are getting more of my attention during the day as we continue to work on attachment and security. And I am getting to see Craig and actually talk to him when he gets home from work! This sure beats the first couple of weeks of chaos that I was dealing with in the house.

Some of you have asked for suggestions of what we are doing to make the husband/wife relationship the primary relationship in our family of six. I've compiled the list below for you, but I am sure there are lots of other great ideas out there. These are just the ones we are doing in our family, and are by no means exhaustive. Tweak as you see fit, but hopefully these will help give you a starting point if you are looking to rearrange your family structure.


The New Kid Procedures (for the big kiddos):

1. When Craig comes home, we sit and talk (with no child interruptions tolerated) for 10-15 minutes.

2. At dinner, if an adult is talking, kids may not interrupt.

3. Whining and tantrums have a special place: the bathroom. Anywhere else in the house is the wrong place, and I will help remind the older kids where that special spot is located by taking them there.

4. Verbal responses will not be made if manners are not used.

5. Mommy will read books, blog, do theatre and train for marathons and not feel guilty about it. Daddy will mountain bike, serve on the worship team, study Greek and dream about tattoos and not feel guilty about it.

6. The new order (that we knew all along, but weren't fully implementing): mine and Craig's personal and spiritual well-being, our marriage and then the children.

7. Parenting is not my primary role. I am a housewife first, then a mother and I will consider myself that way from now on.


How does that change things practically for me? If I am a wife before I am a mother, then I will most definitely care about how I look when Craig comes home. I will present myself as his beautiful and treasured partner for life. He will no longer be greeted at the door by a frazzled zombie who hasn't bathed in three days and has a child on the hip and one being dragged along by my foot (except for the occasional chaotic day). If Craig and my overall well-being is more important then being a parent, then we will make sure to take time for ourselves. We will exercise and have alone time and give each other a chance to be with other friends. If our marriage comes next, then we will continue to have dates, communicate clearly and not allow our lives as parents to overtake everything else. Which, believe me, that is a task that has to be ever on our mind, because if we aren't careful, parenting will consume our lives in a flash. Four children four and under demand a lot of attention and if we aren't making the choice to keep our priorities straight every day, then THEY will become the focus of our entire lives.

These are not easy things to make happen, but they are important. We look to John Rosemond for some of our parenting practices and this quote sums up our new mentality pretty well.

"When you strip away all the intellectual rhetoric and the flowery sentiment, you realize that the purpose of raising children is simply to help them out of our lives and into successful lives of their own."

-John Rosemond, 

excerpt from The New! Six-Point Plan for Raising Hapy, Healthy Children

With this as my new philosophy, that clearly makes me a houseWIFE, not a stay-at-home MOM. Motherhood does not define me, it is just a part of me. And thank goodness for that! Because one day I will have an empty house and the only one left will be me and Craig. I chose that relationship first, so I will keep it first. Housewife, here I come!