I am a housewife, not a stay-at-home mom.

{The first part of this post can be read here.}

We have changed a lot of things in the first 7 weeks we have been home from Uganda. Everything isn't running like clockwork yet, but it is MUCH better. The bigs have realized that while they are important to us, they aren't the most important members of our family. The littles are getting more of my attention during the day as we continue to work on attachment and security. And I am getting to see Craig and actually talk to him when he gets home from work! This sure beats the first couple of weeks of chaos that I was dealing with in the house.

Some of you have asked for suggestions of what we are doing to make the husband/wife relationship the primary relationship in our family of six. I've compiled the list below for you, but I am sure there are lots of other great ideas out there. These are just the ones we are doing in our family, and are by no means exhaustive. Tweak as you see fit, but hopefully these will help give you a starting point if you are looking to rearrange your family structure.


The New Kid Procedures (for the big kiddos):

1. When Craig comes home, we sit and talk (with no child interruptions tolerated) for 10-15 minutes.

2. At dinner, if an adult is talking, kids may not interrupt.

3. Whining and tantrums have a special place: the bathroom. Anywhere else in the house is the wrong place, and I will help remind the older kids where that special spot is located by taking them there.

4. Verbal responses will not be made if manners are not used.

5. Mommy will read books, blog, do theatre and train for marathons and not feel guilty about it. Daddy will mountain bike, serve on the worship team, study Greek and dream about tattoos and not feel guilty about it.

6. The new order (that we knew all along, but weren't fully implementing): mine and Craig's personal and spiritual well-being, our marriage and then the children.

7. Parenting is not my primary role. I am a housewife first, then a mother and I will consider myself that way from now on.


How does that change things practically for me? If I am a wife before I am a mother, then I will most definitely care about how I look when Craig comes home. I will present myself as his beautiful and treasured partner for life. He will no longer be greeted at the door by a frazzled zombie who hasn't bathed in three days and has a child on the hip and one being dragged along by my foot (except for the occasional chaotic day). If Craig and my overall well-being is more important then being a parent, then we will make sure to take time for ourselves. We will exercise and have alone time and give each other a chance to be with other friends. If our marriage comes next, then we will continue to have dates, communicate clearly and not allow our lives as parents to overtake everything else. Which, believe me, that is a task that has to be ever on our mind, because if we aren't careful, parenting will consume our lives in a flash. Four children four and under demand a lot of attention and if we aren't making the choice to keep our priorities straight every day, then THEY will become the focus of our entire lives.

These are not easy things to make happen, but they are important. We look to John Rosemond for some of our parenting practices and this quote sums up our new mentality pretty well.

"When you strip away all the intellectual rhetoric and the flowery sentiment, you realize that the purpose of raising children is simply to help them out of our lives and into successful lives of their own."

-John Rosemond, 

excerpt from The New! Six-Point Plan for Raising Hapy, Healthy Children

With this as my new philosophy, that clearly makes me a houseWIFE, not a stay-at-home MOM. Motherhood does not define me, it is just a part of me. And thank goodness for that! Because one day I will have an empty house and the only one left will be me and Craig. I chose that relationship first, so I will keep it first. Housewife, here I come!

Once upon a time, there was a pack of baby wipes...

As a crunchy, organic, "green" kind of mom, I do not use wipes that often. Sure, I use them to change diapers, but that is about it. I do not fear germs, so sometimes a little brushing of the hands is all I require. Other times, we head to the bathroom and used ol' fashion soap and water with a little elbow grease. I thought it was extremely wasteful to use baby wipes before every meal, or after playing at the playground or because their hands got a little messy at a meal. Besides the fact that then your hands/face had a residue on them that messed up your next meal. Who wants to be eating baby wipes?

That all changed when I added two more children to my brood in one day! Four kids has made me a baby wipe-aholic. I am now a believer in the beauty of these disposable solutions. Wipes have become my best friend. Seriously, people. I can not go ANYWHERE without a LARGE quantity of wipes within arm's reach. The world would end if they were left at home. Let me give you a couple of examples.

Andrew's first experience with chopsticks.

{EXAMPLE #1}

At lunch one day, I had served everyone an age appropriate portion of refried beans and brown rice. For my oldest two, I place it in front of them and encouraged them to eat. For the younger ones, I placed it on the table, instead of on their high chair trays and went to use the bathroom. When I came back, Big had grabbed his bowl off of the table and had attempted to feed himself with his fist. There were refried beans and rice everywhere! I started to get frustrated and then I remembered that I was now a wipes mom. There was no need to fret because I could simply grab a wipe, clean up my child and discard the mess. What a novelty!

{EXAMPLE #2}

Shortly after we returned from Uganda, all four of the kids had snotty noses. There was snot everywhere! I was grabbing tissues left and right and constantly cleaning up liquid-cold from their upper lips, cheeks and even hair. It was exhausted to be on high alert for the viscous discharge that was streaming out of all eight nostrils of my clan. Little woke up from a nap looking white. I am not exaggerating. His beautiful dark complexion had been replaced with dried mucus from forehead to chin and ear to ear. Little's big brown eyes stared at me from under his white mask as if to say, "Why does my face feel so funny?" Tissues were going to do no good for this job, so I headed to the nearest pack of wipes (I have them on the side bar, on the book shelf, on the kitchen counter, in each bathroom and in every bedroom) and started to clean the poor kid up.

Playing in our home-away-from-home in Uganda.

{EXAMPLE #3}

(The best/worst for last, which involved a bathroom incident, in case you want to skip it)

We were playing at our local children's museum and I smelled something funny. I thought to myself, "Man! If that is me, I REALLY need to shower." The kids played the morning away and as the day went on, I would sling one of my little guys onto my back and into the Ergo. When Little was on, I would think, "Maybe I was imagining that smell..." When Big was on I would think, "I am so stinky! Wait a minute. Oh, no. He's pooped." And that should have been my clue that I needed to get my pack of baby wipes and head to the nearest changing station. But they were in the car. I had broken my new rule as a mother of four: never be out of arm's reach of a pack of baby wipes. So, I let the stink ride until the other three were safely buckled in the car and I proceeded to take Big off of my back. And that was when I realized that wipes weren't going to handle it. Big's stink had soaked through his diaper, through his shorts and through MY shirt. To say I was appalled would be an understatement. But what is a mother to do in that kind of situation? I grabbed that glorious pack of unscented Target brand baby wipes, cleaned my son and then attempted to clean my back from the nastiness that had been left there. There was still some residual smell, but I knew that those moist cloth segments had saved the back of my driver's side seat from a horrible fate.



If these three incidents, as well as the parasite-diapers dripping down the leg and the eating of handfuls of dirt didn't make me a wipes believer, I would never be converted! Being a mother of four has truly changed a lot about me, but the think I am most grateful it has changed is my freedom to wipe and throw away. Whoever invented that little tote-able pack has my undying admiration.

Parenting a 4, 3, 2 and 1 year old

Life has been a little crazy and overwhelming with Christmas, family in town and adjusting to our family of six. We are adjusting well, but at the same time, we are freaking out! I'm told that this is completely normal of parents of more then two kids, biological or adopted. Trying to get a handle on the daily grind and the huge amount of laundry, diapers, dishes and mess that my kiddos create is a full time job! And that doesn't include homeschooling (which has been on break since we returned from Uganda), investing in each kid, showering, getting dressed for the day or spending time with my husband. We have adjusted a LOT of things to manage four kids, but there is more to do.

I wish I had something profound to write to you all about, but we are still trying to figure everything out here. It is just as hard as I thought and at the same time, it is easier then I imagined. That sounds crazy, I am sure, but it is different then I thought it would be. It is really hard to get everyone dressed, and fed, and to sit still for a photograph! In other ways, I find it easier to take all four kids out into the backyard then just two. They keep each other occupied better, which allows me to work on bonding with one of the kids at a time. Maybe once I get a little more sleep (hahaha!) I'll write something that has more thought and coherency. For now, enjoy these images of my new life parenting a 4, 3, 2 and 1 year old.

smiles with Andrew :: baby wearing two :: djembe time with Craig

scared of the doll :: brother trampoline time :: playing hide-n-go-seek
the do and the wish-I-could-do :: helping with laundry :: first date night in 2 months