WARNING: Blog post contains whining, complaining and unhappiness. Even though this is an accurate portrayal of the adoption process, some people reading may become confused. This post does not negate the Barber's desire to adopt in any way, shape or form and should not be taken as a sign of wishy-washy behavior. It is simply a snapshot of emotion for the life of a paper pregnant mother.
The blog title says it all. And that is where I am, hence the lack of blogging. We are still waiting with no end in sight for the adoption. This might be a hard reality to understand, but you can't imagine how challenging it truly is until you are in the midst of it. I can't buy clothing, cribs, bottles, beds, NOTHING until we have a referral. We can not commit to church activities, photography shoots, weddings, family vacations, theatre shows, NOTHING until we have a referral. We can't pack, plan for our month away, buy activities for our Ugandan kids, NOTHING until we have a referral. We can not apply for grants until we have a referral. We can not do anything until we have a referral. And it is driving me bonkers.
I tried to warn you with the title of this blog post. Life just seems like it is aimlessly dragging on. The kids ask about their new brother and sister daily, and it is heartbreaking to tell them we don't know when they will join our family. "You said they were going to be coming in the summer. Isn't it summer?" "All of our paperwork is done, so are new brother and sister coming tomorrow?" "When can we fly to Uganda and meet them?" A mom can only take so much of this.
One month ago today we sent away our dossier. It was such a joyous occasion, but it seems so very far away now. Honestly, it seems like we completed it three months ago. This waiting without any information is very painful and I even struggled with several very depressing days. It is emotionally draining to have your heart half-way around the world.
Don't get me wrong. We are still engaging our homegrown children, growing spiritually and getting our house projects completed. All of these feelings do not mean we aren't trusting God's timing or are trying to take matters into our own hands. We can feel sad things and trust that God is going to work everything out at the same time.
I just feel stuck in limbo with no hope of end.
UPDATE: We just found out (hours after writing this blog post) that Ugandan court is closed for the summer (July 15-August 15). This means we most likely won't be traveling at all this summer.
