31.3.12

No Impact Man

In light of our first ever participation in Earth Hour today at 8:30PM, I thought I would write about another Barber Basic. I'm not where I want to be with this one yet, so I am writing this to share my views, share the resources I have found, and document what I want to be doing so when that margin in my life comes and I can't remember all of these great ideas, I can come back to this post and remember. Fair enough description of this blog post? Let's dive in!

Back in 2009, we watched this crazy documentary about a New Yorker who set out to have zero impact on the earth through his consumption, transportation and every other part of his life. He called himself  "No Impact Man" and made a documentary about his year long experiment to reduce his strain on the earth's resources. He was married and had a kid, and the entire family participated in this experiment with him. It was really fascinating to watch his family eat locally in New York City at the farmers market, ride their bikes to drop their daughter off at preschool and live without electricity. They stopped using a washing machine, re-purposed their plastic bottles and cancelled all newspaper and magazine subscriptions. As the year went on and they struggled with living a new life and giving up their luxuries, they discovered something. They discovered that this simpler life made them happier. Because so many things were gone in this new "no-impact-life," they could enjoy each other and friends and life, because all of those "things" they got rid of had been distractions in their former life. The documentary is truly inspiring and I look forward to watching it again on Netflix soon.


As a Christian, I feel an obligation to be a good steward of the resources I have been given, including the earth. Since we are in the process of adoption and have two preschoolers at home, it is hard to make this a priority right now. Like I said earlier, I am not where I want to be with this, but we are making strides towards reducing our impact on the environment little by little. And for me at this point, that includes reducing my impact on the world through my consumption (how much I purchase), the way I deal with my trash and buying locally. How you ask? I will share!


Reducing Consumption

1. Just don't go to the store. It is amazing how much you won't buy if you don't set foot into a place where they sell stuff. It seems too simple, but this has really helped me reduce my spending.

2. Avoid advertisements. If you don't know there are new products out there, you won't want to buy them.

3. Re-purpose old items. There are many things we have in our houses that can be re-purposed with a little creativity to serve a function you need instead of buying a new item. Check out pinterest for some inspiration.

 4. Borrow. Send out a Facebook or Twitter shout out and just ask if someone would let you borrow the thing you need.

5. Be inspired by The Zero Waste Home tips. Seriously. This blog suggests many, many ways to reduce your consumption and environmental impact. There are things on there I would have never thought about. Watch this little video blurb about her family and be inspired.



Dealing with Trash

1. After reducing consumption, re-purpose and then recycle. Bea Johnson of  The Zero Waste Home calls it the 5 R's: Refuse, Reduce, Reuse, Recyle, Rot. Trash should be the last step in the process.

2. Make bottle bricks. I just discovered this today and am excited! They are being used in Central America to build schools, buildings, benches and more. This is a project I want to undertake when we have a bit more margin. Can we say bottle brick backyard bench?

3. Compost. Even if you don't garden, take your veggie scraps, buy some worms and let them do what nature started.This is on my to-do list for this spring, aka now.

4. Go electronic with papers. Instead of having bills and notifications sent to you, have them sent electronically and keep a digital copy. This reduces the amount of trash you produce! This is another one that is simple to do, and I need to do it now.


Buying Locally

1. Buy local meat. The amount of fossil fuels that are needed to produce chicken, beef and pigs is alarmingly high. One day I will write a blog post about this very subject, but if you are curious, do some research. Meat purchased at the grocery store costs the environment loads. If you live in the central Florida area, I would be happy to help with this.

2. Shop at the farmers market. Support local artisans, farmers and entrepreneurs. Let your money speak for you by support something that does not need to be shipped from across the world, thereby reducing the amount of fossil fuels it took to put that product in your hand.

3. Support local store. Instead of visiting Home Depot, go to a local Ace Hardware. Eat out at a local pizza joint instead of Carrabbas. Find a local vender instead of purchasing the item on Amazon.



These little changes we are doing now help. They may be little, but they help and that is what we are going for. I am sure there is more I am forgetting to include, since this Barber Basic has not become fully assimilated into our lives yet. But with our lights going out in less then 10 minutes for Earth Hour, I must conclude.

What changes have you made for the environment? I'd love to know! I am always looking for new ideas and practical advice! Please share in the comments below.

29.3.12

I have the wrong wedding date.

A very funny thing happened Monday as I was finishing up our homestudy paperwork and sending in my passport for renewal. I discovered that all these years, I have been celebrating the wrong wedding date. I know that this might seem odd to a lot of you. A girl should know when she got married, right? Apparently, I do not.


Let me explain myself. I thought that I got married to my best friend and fabulous husband, Craig on July 23, 2004. It was a Friday evening wedding in the hottest hot of the summer. Sometimes I think we were married on the 24th of July, because we did debate back and forth about a Friday wedding versus a Saturday wedding. But this is not the issue I discovered today.

Our wedding video was made by a good friend of ours, Christian. {SIDE NOTE: Christian is doing an awesome series on YouTube called "Street Food" about local food in China and you should totally check it out.} When he gave us our video, he let us know that he put the wrong year on it. It would have been a HUGE pain to go back and switch it, since he had already rendered everything and spent HOURS watching the documentary style footage we had filmed for weeks leading up to the big day. The date on the wedding video states we were married July 23, 2003. That would be 1 year earlier then the actual date. But this is also not the issue I discovered today about my wedding date.


The thing I discovered to today was a new tidbit I did not know about my own wedding date. Are you ready for it? I discovered that I actually DIDN'T get married on July 23, 2004. It was pretty shocking, let me tell you. As I was about to stuff the certified copy of my marriage license into the envelop to mail away with my passport, I happened to look down at the date I got married. It stated that I was married on June 23, 2004. June? What? I was not a June bride? The Office of Vital Statistics got it wrong. I pick up the phone and called. No answer. I try again, this time retrieving my original marriage license. I read over it and discover something.


My pastor wrote down the wrong date! And my maid of honor and Craig's best man signed it, with the wrong date! And the notary public notarized it, with the wrong date! And forever and ever amen, we legally were married on the wrong date! This is craziness!!!!

After 7 years of marriage, I have just discovered that while I thought I was married on July 23, 2004, according to the state of Florida, I was actually married in June 23, 2004. Wow. It was a little shocking to realize this mistake that has been in writing for 7 years. I laughed and laughed when I saw it, after I got over my shock. What can you do? Enjoy life and laugh about the little bumps along the way.

So, I guess Craig and I can now start celebrating two anniversaries each year!

24.3.12

The Business of Being Born

We have two beautiful homegrown kids. We conceived normally with both and were excited to begin the journey of parenting. As most American women, I called a random OBGYN office and informed them I needed a doctor's appointment, because I had a positive pregnancy test. Everything seemed to go well with both of my pregnancies. I was healthy, the baby was healthy and there were no problems. None. Nada. Zilch. But I was ill-informed about birth and ended up with two unnecessary cesarean sections.


Before I ever got pregnant, I wish I had watched a documentary entitled "The Business of Being Born." You might have your doubts about it because it was produced by Ricki Lake, but the information I found was startling. I might have made some other choices about both of my births if I had viewed this film before I had children.

Not knowing any better, I scheduled an induction with my first pregnancy, for no other reason then to have the baby when it would be convenient for my family. Both sides of the family had flown in from out of state for the due date and my husband was going back to work the next week. Didn't it make sense to go ahead and begin labor? My kind and trusted OBGYN had offered it to me as a healthy option. I had no signs of labor starting, I wasn't past my due date and I had no complications that make it necessary to induce labor. It just seemed like a convenience I could take advantage of to ensure my first was born when everyone was there. And did I mention that I struggle with patience? I even asked my OBGYN about the link between induction and c-sections and he told me it was incidental and unlikely to occur in my case.

31 weeks pregnant with my first
If I had known the statistics I know about how induction leads to a Cesarean section, and that Lakeland Regional Medical Hospital had a 33% c-section rate, I would have thought long and hard about what I was doing.The induction was slow, painful (I elected to refuse the epidural, not knowing that an induced labor is MUCH worse then regular labor), and unsuccessful. Around 8PM the evening after my induction began, the doctor began to use terms like, "what is best for the baby." He was talking about a c-section. He presented it as an option, but to us it seemed like we had no other alternatives. The language he used implied we would be bad parents if we didn't proceed with this procedure. That was it: c-section or our son would be hurt.

First time I got to see my first child
My son in the nursery while I was recovering from the c-section.
Headed home from the hospital to recover from my c-section.

I was in the operating room at 9PM. Nervous. Scared. And no one was telling me anything. They were talking about all kinds of things, but none of them seemed to be about me or my son, that was supposedly in imminent danger. They took their time. My son was born at 10:11PM that night. Over an hour after I had been brought to the operating room and over two hours after my doctor told me either we do this invasive procedure or your son might suffer. He was born perfect, with no complication and he received a 10 on the Apgar test. He spent no time in intensive care or extended study or anything. Usually children who NEED to be delivered by c-section, I believe that this is a necessary and lifesaving procedure when done correctly, are in pretty bad shape. Not my son. We praise the Lord for a healthy boy and I recovered painfully and slowly.

33 weeks pregnant with my second


Nine months later, we found out we were pregnant again. And things were healthy and normal. This time, I was more educated and refused any intervention. I went back to the same OBGYN, still in shock that I was pregnant again. He was in favor of a VBAC, which was great. I went into labor naturally, and headed to the hospital when I was told. They strapped me down with baby monitors and IVs and the like, not allowing me to move around and labor how I was comfortable. It was frustrating and devastating. My labor promptly slowed and I knew I was headed towards another c-section.

My daughter did not descend, which seems perfectly normal to me now knowing what I know, since I was lying in a bed instead of walking to allow my hips to widen and the baby to drop. The pain of lying in a bed, unable to cope with my labor pains became too much, so I asked for an epidural. Labor slowed even more. The doctor on call told me around 8pm that  it was my fault I got an epidural and slowed my labor and that my only choice was a c-section. I asked her to leave and promptly cried. All my dreams died and we prepared for another c-section.

Several of our requests were met: I got to see them take my daughter out of my belly and she was brought to be during recovery to breastfeed. She also received a 10 on the Apgar score and spent no time in intensive care or extended observation. She was perfectly healthy.

I actually got to see them take my second out of my belly, which was my request.

Kissing my daughter for the first time.
She wasn't very happy to be out and away from Mommy.

Going home after another painful c-section.

We were now a family of four, and I had to take care of two kids while recovering from major surgery

Why do I share my story with you and what does it have to do with the documentary or Barber Basics?  I share because I hope it will change at least one person's mind about blindly following the American system for labor and delivery. I hope others will educate themselves about this huge business of delivering babies. Cesarean sections are a wonderful medical procedure that have saved many lives, but in my case, they were forced upon me. You can watch the documentary and think about the American hospital system for yourself. We can see the links in our birth stories to two unnecessary c-sections and how this has become another Barber Basic for us. We have made the decision to not have any more biological children because of the risk it would put on my body, but we encourage those around us to further investigate what choices are out there for pregnant mothers-to-be.

Very interesting information can be found in the documentary, "The Business of Being Born," like the rise in c-section rates in correspondence with doctor shift changes, the physics of what the female body actually does during labor, (something I never learned in labor classes or from my OBGYN) and the assembly-line process of labor in modern hospitals. It is well worth the watch if you ever hope to have kids or are pregnant now. It is never too late to demand the kind of labor and delivery you deserve for yourself or your wife.

Have you seen it? Let me know your thoughts!


UPDATE

Here is another great blog post a friend shared with me about the same topic, only from the perspective of a homebirth midwife. Click here to read it. This is my favorite quote from her blog post:

"As a parent, you will care for your child through many knee scrapes and head bumps…through fevers and coughs. Each issue you will ask yourself, “is this normal? If not, can I care for it or do we need to go to a doctor?” They fall off of their bike – do you wash their knee and put a bandage on it and send them back out? Or do you need to take them in for stitches? You know what is normal and what is not, what you are comfortable treating and when you need to go to the doctor. You don’t, however, have them ride their bikes in the parking lot of the pediatricians ‘just in case’. You use them when you have a problem that you feel is too big to handle on your own."

23.3.12

The art of diversion

With a 3 and 2 year old under-toe all the time, I have learned a couple of tricks about keeping kids occupied. I am not an expert yet, and don't know if I will ever be, but I am planning on using the things I have learned to help keep the house peaceful and functioning as we add two more to our preschool brood.

My favorite parenting technique is called diversion. It works really well for this age range, because they have a short attention span, do not respond well to long explanations on how the behavior they are engaging in is not beneficial to their overall well being, and enjoy exploring new things. I can't take all the credit for this fabulous idea, because I read it in a John Rosemond book. Check him out. We really like his parenting thoughts and ideas, and most of the things that "work" for our family came from him.


Here is how it works:

-Child A/B or both are doing something they shouldn't be doing.
-I access the situation and see that it isn't one of our house rules, but still shouldn't be done.
-Instead of using our standard punishment (time-out), I distract.

{EXAMPLE: Where is your new motorcycle? Want to read a book? Did you hear the airplane that just flew by? Let's see if it is still outside!}

 -The key to distraction is to be really excited about the thing you are using to distract. 
-Don't mistake distraction and bribery.

And there you have it! The undesired behavior has ceased and the kiddos are on to new things.


I had to use this technique yesterday at the beach. Asher, my three year old son, has an issue with textures. Ever since he was born, we noticed how sensitive his skin was and how particular he would be to certain materials or tactile experiences. One thing he really didn't like: SAND. He has outgrown this aversion, but unbenounced to us, it would reappear yesterday.


While playing in the sand, I guess he had an itch by his eye and used his sandy hand to scratch said eye. And thus began the 40 minute tantrum of the three year old. For those of you who don't know my son, he doesn't do that. Seriously. He is a pretty well-behaved little boy, but that sand on the face put him over the edge. We tried many things to calm him down and then I remember: DIVERSION! I started to tell him a story about Asher the little boy who made a rocket out of a cardboard box and explored the moon. Then I sang a Jack Johnson song he has heard me sing since he was a newborn. After that a few snuggles, and he was ready to return to playing.

Now, the hour and a half car ride home that involved hitting, spitting, screaming and much more? Diversion was the last thing on my radar as I sat between the two kids in the back seat and enduring the worst car ride I had ever experienced. I told you, I'm not an expert!

20.3.12

Adoption paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork

A lot of people are shocked at how quickly everything seems to be going. You can say that again! We are still in shock! As long as all the money falls into place (we still need $20,000, and you can help by donating directly through PayPal or buying one of our cool shirts), we should be flying to Uganda THIS summer to bring our kids back.


We have had 2 successful homestudy meetings, and are plugging along on our homestudy paperwork, adoption classes and miles of paperwork for our dossier. We are trying to complete everything as quickly as possible so we can apply for adoption grants and be ready to fly as soon as we have referrals and a court date. There is a LOT of paperwork to get through. I've spent a lot of time running around town, waiting on hold and mailing papers back and forth to get things right. We are praying that every piece of paper falls into our hands when it needs to and everything works out according to God's plan. We will let you know more details when we know them, but for now it is lots and lots of paperwork.


Being "paper pregnant" is very different from being actually pregnant. I don't know which I prefer yet, because they both have positives and challenges. I think, for me, the biggest challenge with being paper pregnant is we have no definites. We don't know when we will be flying to go get our kids. Even when we get in country, there is no guarantee that the Uganda judge will grant us visas for our children. In international adoption, there are no absolutes until the children are here in the states and the US government has granted them a green card and the judge approves the adoption. Until then, there is a lot of chance involved. This not knowing is hard for someone who really likes plans, which is part of the reason I haven't been blogging.


It isn't fun to blog the mundane drudging on of the unglamorous pursuit of an adoption. It would be much more fun to post pictures of the kids that will join our family or the month long trip we will take to Uganda or something other then the tons of background checks and referral letters and fingerprints and doctors visits and bank letters and photocopying that is the guts of the adoption process. I don't have any cute pictures of a growing belly or a cute nursery to share, because we don't know the ages of our kids. Instead, I have words about the boring-ness (yes, I just made up a word) of this waiting on letters to be returned and faxes to be sent and papers to be notarized.


So, while we wait, will you pray for us? 

-Pray for our kids that are most likely living in an orphanage in Uganda at this very moment. 
-Pray for their safety and for the orphanage workers who are loving on all the kids in their care. 
-Pray for the Uganda lawyer, our homestudy agency and the US government that they would process our paperwork quickly and efficiently.
-Pray that Asher's and Alethea's hearts will be open to love another brother and sister.
-Pray for Craig and I as we prepare for what might be one of the most challenging years of our lives.
-And lastly, pray for the money we need to come in. And if you are part of the answer to that prayer, we thank you!

7.3.12

Miss Saigon at TWH

I have the privilege of being a part of a production I would probably never have the opportunity to perform. I knew little about the show itself before I joined it, but knew the music was challenging, the story was rich and my friend Katrina Ploof was directing. That is all I needed and I jumped to be a part of it!


"Miss Saigon" is a moving piece that takes place during the Vietnam war and tells the story of a soldier and the Vietnamese girl he fell in love with during the war. It seems like a simple enough story, one that has been told many times, but there is something truly moving about the orchestration and humanness of this particular piece. Every night, at the end of the production, I am moved to tears as I sit on the stage with my fell actors and the last notes are played. I know how it ends, but my heart is compelled to care about these people.

And that, my friends, is good theatre.

Photos courtesy of Theatre Winter Haven

This production is in Theatre Winter Haven's stage read series, making this a concert production of "Miss Saigon." For my non-theatre friends, a stage read is a production of a play or musical with minimal additions and everyone has a script or score in their hand. The purpose is to focus on the story of the show, because the sets and costumes and all that other stuff are not a part of a stage read. It is the actors, the script and your imagination that take you into Vietnam in 1975.

Photos courtesy of Theatre Winter Haven

I am playing the part of Ellen, but I won't reveal why my character is important and how she fits into this story. You will have to come tonight to see the production. Tonight is our last show and you should come! Tickets are remarkably reasonable for such a talented cast. We have professional and equity actors who have joined us, as well as many talented individuals who have become beloved standards at Theatre Winter Haven. You will be moved by the piece, entertained by the beautiful voices and walk away with a greater appreciate for life and the love we share as humans.

Photos courtesy of Theatre Winter Haven


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1.3.12

I'm against adoption.

I disagree with adoption.

That might sound strange coming from a woman who is trying to adopt two kids from Uganda, but there you have it. Adoption and me are not in agreement. I wish that we applied to adopt, and there were no kids available to match with our family.      None.      Not one.      Truly.      Honestly.      That is how I feel. I wish there were no children in the world without parents.

Adoption is a necessary compromise to the way life is suppose to be. 

It is suppose to be that parents take care of their children, in their own culture, and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, this is not the story that is told all around the world on a daily basis. Some parents aren't able to take care of their children, for whatever reason. Some parents don't have proper nutrition or medical care, and their lives are lost, leaving their children to survive them. Some parents make mistakes and they have forever consequences that leave their children parent-less. Because of this, there are kids who need parents.

I'm against adoption, because it is not the original plan. It is not the ideal situation. I still love to believe that there is always the happy ending, even if the original plan doesn't work. I'm against adoption, because children not being raised by healthy, functional parents leaves scares. Big ones.

Some may think I am naive or foolish or prideful or irresponsible by adopting two children from Uganda, into my traditional middle class American family living on a teacher's salary. People can think what they want about me and my family. We are an open book and are happy to discuss our lives and choices with any who care to ask. We just know that our hearts and our home can hold two more. With so many children without parents, doesn't that deserve some consideration on our part? Is our convenience or comfort more important than children growing up alone? 

We thought not and we said yes to the very thing we are against. Because we are more against children living without parents who love them than anything else.



{I'd love to hear your thoughts about adoption and how you are helping the parent-less.}